From The Cradle to The Hostel - Reality Check for The Enthu Cutlets

Empty Nest Syndrome sounds harsher in reality and thus we began to face it -far more suddenly, than it could be, for our other peer parents.

My Jr. Cutlet had very explicitly, told us that, she intended to pursue a career in Fashion Design as a part of her graduation plan. The entrance tests to finally secure an admission in a good college, was very competitive and required a preparation cum coaching for a longer duration.  Therefore, unlike what Sr. Cutlets dreamed in their life, she started her preps for the entrance tests, much in advance. So much so, that she wanted to be reminding herself of her goal and therefore changed her phone wallpaper to the College logo, she aspired to be in (NIFT).

As the Jr. Cutlet sailed through the academic and personal challenges in her life, she took the entrance tests for fashion design in her colleges of choice (both private and government). The results of the private college were declared earlier and we had to secure an admission there, to be on a safer side.  When the NIFT results (1^st few lists) were declared, she did not secure a place in college centre and stream of her choice. Dejected yet optimistic, she started attending the private college with full steam. As parents, we were selfishly happy, since our Cutlet would live with us, atleast for four years of her graduation.

One fine Sunday, when the results of the final list of NIFT were declared, she secured a place in a college and stream of her choice. Alas, the place was Bhopal. Approx, 800 kms away from Mumbai. All hell broke loose in our house and it was filled with shock, excitement and chaos. Especially because the decision was to be made in few hours and the reporting was scheduled in a couple of days. Baba Cutlet, played the titular character of ‘Father of the Bride’, trying all his best to convince his daughter to let go off Bhopal and stay put in Mumbai. He used all the weapons in his armour, however in vain, the Jr. Cutlet was far more determined, than we thought she was.

The admission, orientation and the college process went on smoothly (Ofcourse with a lot of emotional upheaval on either sides). Back home the Sr. Cutlets started planning a lot more vacay options to spend time, with the Jr. in the coming future. I’ve heard about the 3 stages in ENS: - Grief, Relief and Joy. While we are crossing the stage 1, I have realised that, as parents, we also need to focus on self-care and hobbies, to be able to lead a life beyond work, that is filled with contentment and joy.

And, while the Jr. Cutlet battles with her good and bad experiences of a hostel life, the Sr’s. will give her

Wings to Fly and Roots to Value the Flight.

 

 

 

Hachiko - The wait is endless !!

Surprisingly the day ended well today and I managed to have some time on hand post dinner. Since Mr. Pat is away to cover the T20 World Cup and the Jr. Cutlet is already getting into the Sr. Cutlet category, she was absorbed into her world of K-Dramas.

I had sometime on hand before hitting the bed and therefore I decided to catch up on an old English Classic. Dogs being one of my favourites, I decided to watch ‘ Hachi - A dog’s tale’.  Although the movie is considerably slow ; there was something that kept me hooked on to watching the entire reel. For people who don’t know , it is a real story about a dog called ‘Hachiko’ from Japan , who had a deep connection with his master, something that was beyond everyone’s understanding. He dropped and picked his master from the train station everyday, when the master went to work. One fine day , his master suddenly passed away ; however that did not stop Hachiko from continuing his routine. And he kept doing so, kept waiting for his master at the train station for the next 10 long years.

Metaphorically, today it just put me in Hachiko’s position. While I continue to do my chores; work, travel, talk, meet friends, eat, pretend to make merry ; I am still that Hachiko , who everyday , before going to sleep , pauses, prays , ponders and always WAIT for him to come back. And when he doesn’t, I repeat the same routine everyday. Which makes me believe to what Sir Elton John rightly quotes “ Its the circle of life, that moves us all, through despair and hope ,through faith and love, till we find our place on the path unwinding”.  

I am grateful that, this movie did have a good end and I will not be a spoil sport for people who want to watch it. Indeed the Master comes Back with his Hachiko, this time , with a brand new start. Until then, The Hachiko in Me will keep Waiting !!

HOPE WILL LIGHT THE WAY INTO 2024

 The year 2023 that is, that was. 

One of those years , I would possibly imagine didn't exist. One of those years, I wish, just skipped in the history of universe. One of those years, when I felt that, I only lived in blind optimism. 

And while I ponder on these , a soft tender voice still whispers in my mind, "every adversity opens a new chapter.  A chapter that takes you a step closer to self-adaptation.". And this time, I know that this voice does not belong to my parent, husband or a friend. This voice belongs to that my little one, my son, who I lost  this year and now lives with me as my Little Angel. And every time I become weak and lose resilience, he comes to me with tiny doses of wisdom. 

And therefore , as I take each baby step towards self healing , I will remind myself about each of these each day :-

1. Every individual that you are related to directly and indirectly behaves in a certain way , because he/ she is responding to his/her particular situation. Therefore , I will not react or get judgemental before getting to know the real perspective.
2. There are few people in your life ,whom I look upto , they are a reason for my existence . My parents, my teachers, my mentors. They are now another set of children (in this chapter of their life) for me and therefore unke liye , sab kuch maaf hai.
3. I have my set of complaints, grudges and unhappy memoirs of few people in life. Will those make my life any better. If not, I will try best to learn the art of 'Letting Go'.
4. Most Importantly, I will remember that I am as flawed as any of my friend, colleague , relative ,client and even my soulmate. Therefore , I will try and conquer 'The Art of Acceptance'.

While I always wondered that , my purpose in life was to nurture Advay and protect him, soon did I realise that , he came into our life, with a definite purpose to remind us that 'Do not cultivate blind optimism, but radical hope' .

Thus , HOPE never dies. It is Infact a Waking Dream.

Happy 2024 to ME.

 The Sound of Music is The Sound of Hope

Way back in the 1980's , our school introduced us to this timeless legendary film , for which we will always be indebted to them. We were really young then , probably in our late primary or early secondary schooling days , when we had a period ( I don't remember the name- maybe my school friends can remind me) where we could watch movies that were suitable enough for our age. That room was called audio-visual room. The Sound of Music and Mary Poppins are the two movies , I remember watching during those times.

Back then , it was just a musical for us , the songs of which I started humming and still do till date. I remember that each of us used to look forward to that period to watch the musical. and since it was a long film, and our period was for 1/2 hour , we had to watch it in parts. Nonetheless , the anxiety levels to watch the next part kept growing each time. Julie Andrews (Maria) became our idol and Christopher Plummer (Captain Von Trapp) , our childhood crush. After few years , when we got the VCR at home, I used to rent the Sound of Music cassette to watch it over and over again.

Decades have passed by and my viewership patterns switched from VCR , to DVD's , to sometimes online. What remained immortal was the musical and its characters. As I grew up watching the film , it began to unfold the various learnings and life lessons, probably which I did not notice / realize while I watched it when I was young. Every song became an inspiration in itself and gave some really valuable learnings. The title song  'The Sound of Music', ' I have confidence' , 'Climb every Mountain', 'Edelweiss', each one of them is eternal. My Jr. Cutlet continues to hum 'I'm Sixteen , going on Seventeen' as she continues to do her chores. Maybe she wants to believe in the lyrics that say,  I know that I´m naive, Fellows I meet may tell me I´m sweet, And willingly I believe. 

During our school farewell , a batch junior to us , held some performances for us and one very memorable one was when few students got onto the podium and sang this wonderful rendition ' So long Farwell , Auf Widersehen, Goodbye' . Maybe that was THE time when we realized that it was indeed  was our last day in school and we couldn't hold back our tears. And everytime I hear this song, I recall this incident to the Jr. Cutlet , she replies, " Yes Mom , U've told me this already" 😇

One song that stayed with me throughout the most challenging times of my life was 'Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens'. My niece Saanvi used to sing this song to Advay when she was very young , and everytime she sang 'When the dog bites , when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite and then I don't feel so bad'.....we would watch his 200 watts smile. And then after everytime he cried , this song became a routine with us. 

My reason to remember all of this today is that , we were fortunate to watch this Broadway Musical yesterday at Nita Mukesh Ambani Cultural Centre and it blew our minds yet again. Every memory created over decades by the film was relived in  a new format ready to sweep our feet off the floor. It is definitely a must watch , a joyful experience again for those who have known the film. 

That makes me believe yet again.......

If you want to spark magic in your life, then you have to surround yourself with magical people who inspire you....LET THE MAGIC BEGIN.......

Illusions - A fresh perspective

Illusions- The adventures of a reluctant Meesiah by Richard Bach .  I remember vividly that it was either one of our English teachers or a friend who introduced us to this book way back in college. I read it then and really liked his experiences and the way he wrote down some hard hitting facts of life . For me it was one of those books that was for keeps and it always remained close to me.

It was not until few days back that I saw the book again in a corner of my room and began reading it again after some 20 or more odd years later. This time however, it hit me really hard and it was as if every word mentioned in the handbook of the story was written for me. It was just about a month after I lost my son to an illness, when I didn’t feel like doing anything and almost did it to please my family and friends. Holding this book and reading it once again was like a message from my Messiah - my son Advay who was trying to tell me something.

“ There’s no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts”.  Advay came to us like a God given gift and our journey together completely changed our perspectives in life and this sentence was a reminder no. One to it.  “ Happiness is a choice and it’s not always an easy one.” Advay made it very easy for us to be happy because he remained that way. Pain was always a moment for him and once it subdued for a while he would be infectiously happy.

“ If you really want to remove a cloud from your life, you do not make a big production out of it. Just relax and remove it from your thinking.” This is Not easier said than done because we have seen him doing this each time effortlessly.

And finally the most profound for me this time is “ Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after moments of lifetimes , is certain for those who are friends.”  There are so many such wonderful thoughts mentioned in the book that I were to mention the best of it, this blog could run into a series. 

Thus as Richard back quotes in his preface, I choose to think that my Messiah is perched out there on some other dimension, not fiction at all, watching us , and laughing for the fun of it happening just the way we’ve planned it to be.

Love you Adu.

“”

Day 3 - Mahakaleshwar & Chappan Dukan

Our day trip to Omkareshwar and Maheshwar was quite exploratory and consuming at the same time. We reached the hotel in the late evening and since we had taken a late lunch , I planned to skip the dinner and immediately hit the bed for an early slumber . The Jr. Cutlet however had some dose of energy left ( I have no idea from where does she derive it from) . She wanted to have some mumma - daughter fun talks and I didn’t realize as to when I fell deep asleep during the conversation.

The next day as promised to the Jr. Cutlet , I let her sleep for a little more time in the morning. Today was going to be a relatively relaxed day since I had planned Ujjain . The distance between two towns is just 54 kms and according to Gorakhnathji, the roads were pretty smooth , hence it would be a quick drive. The one and only most popular and sacred destination in Ujjain is Mahakaleshwar temple. It wasn't listed in my initial itenary, however my Dad insisted that I visit it since it would an experience in itself and how right he was. While I wasn't sure if the Jr. Cutlet would be up for another temple visit, considering the chaos and crowd all popular shrines in India have. But she continues to surprise me each time and all ready she was for yet another experience.

My dad has completed his post graduation in Mathematics from the Ujjain University and a visit to the Mahakaleshwar was one of his weekly Monday routine. Therefore this day trip was for him. Mahakaleshwar is considered to be one of the 12 Jyotirlingas, shrines that are said to be the most sacred abodes of Lord Shiva. The idol of Mahakaleshwar is known to be dakshinamukhi, which means that it is facing the south. This is a unique feature, upheld by the tantric shivnetra tradition to be found only in Mahakaleshwar among the 12 Jyotirlingas. It is situated on the banks of holy river Shipra. The temple complex was destroyed by Sultan Shams-ud-din during his raid of Ujjain in the 12th century. The Maratha Empire regime rebuilt it in the early 18th century.

One of the main attractions in Mahakaleshwar other than the temple is the brand new 900 meter long corridor built by both the central and state governments . The objective was to redevelop the holy shrine and make it a global tourist destination. And I have to admit they have done a wonderful job. You will see atleast 200 statues , murals and stambhs together that display stories and myths about Shiva in scriptures. My personal favorite is that of Samudra Manthan . It is almost impossible to capture the entire complex in a camera lens. One needs to visit it for a first hand experience. We went there during day time, but according to few locals there, it looks the best during night time with the colorful fountains and the light display. 

We had a very quick and contented darshan of the Jyotirlinga. The Jr. Cutlet looked happy too. Once we finished Mahakaleshwar , we went to the Ujjain University ( he post graduated from there in 1960's) to give my dad a surprise. I gave him a quick virtual tour of his Alma Mater and his joy of revisiting it , is something that I cannot explain. Thus we left back from Ujjain on our way back to Indore to explore a yet another gastronomical journey called the Chappan Dukan. Accordong to the Jr. Cutlet, its time Mumbai gets one such place where people can experience various kinds of street foods , music without any vehicular disturbance. Johnny Hot dog, Sam's momos, Kachori chaat from Vijay , Garadu chaat , Coconut crush and so much more is what Chappan Dukan offers. I also packed some yummy Namkeen from Agarwals to take back home.

Indore and its surrounding areas offer not only a mix of great history , culture and food but also the most hospitable locals that I have ever met. The city is absolutely safe at any time of the day and night . Both of us would easily explore Sarafa Bazaar and Chappan Dukan during late nights without any hesitation. The entire trip made me realize that creating memories through these small experiences , getting to learn from every new person you meet is something I plan to do hereon. Therefore when Travel is good for you Soul, Experiences are necessary for your growth. Finally I wish finish my blog series here with yet another thought " Investment in Travel is Investment in Yourself". 

Day 2 - Omkareshwar & Maheshwar

After a late night wrap up at the Sarafa Night Market yesterday, I thought that the Jr. Cutlet will be less interested in waking up early and getting ready quickly for a full day trip to the Omkareshwar and Maheshwar. However she proved me completely wrong. She woke up without any snoozing and there we were all ready in an hour’s time.

Omkareshwar is about 70 kms from Indore with poor quality of roads , Maheshwar is about 65 kms from Onkareshwar and finally Indore is about 90 kms from Maheshwar on the way back. I had done this research prior , hence was aware that we needed to have an early start in the morning. I had promised the Jr. Cutlet a late sleepy morning the next day, but looks like she wasn’t complaining at all. 

After quite a bumpy ride , we reached Omkareshwar in one piece. Omkareshwar was on my bucket list for a long time and I’m glad that I could tick that off . Its one of the 12 Jyotirlingas of the Lord Shiva built in 1820. It is surrounded by hills and adorned by river Narmada. The island is in the shape of Om. On completion of the most sacred pilgrimage Narmada Parikrama that consists of covering about 4000 kms on foot , the pilgrims have to come to Onkareshwar to offer the holy water to the Jyotirlinga. Inexperienced to the typical crowded and noisy environment of popular temples , the Jr. Cutlet looked a little flustered and uncomfortable. Finally once we finished our darshan to my heart’s content , we headed for Maheshwar.

Maheshwar is a beautiful small place situated on the banks of river Narmada. It has special mentions in the epics Ramayan and Mahabharat. However , I was more interested in visiting the rich culture and history that was created by Devi Ahilyabai Holkar in the 18th century. She was indeed a noble queen of the Holkar dynasty. After the death of her husband in a battle, when she was ready to go Sati, her father in law Malhar Rao Holkar forbade her from doing it and instead encouraged her to take hold the reigns of the empire and the rest is history. She rebuilt and resurrected some of very significant Hindu pilgrimages across India that had been demolished by Aurangzeb. She was considered to one of the most just rulers of her time . I spoke to some of the locals in Maheshwar and they worship her in these times too. 

The fort and her residence is full of interesting stories, however what we loved the most was those few moments we spent in solitude on banks of river Narmada. Its magnitude and solace is something that I cannot express and couldn’t capture it in the photos. After a quick meal , we visited the handlooms of Maheshwari sarees. Kudos to the skilled workers for their talent and patience. One saree takes about 2-3 days to be made. We shopped for few sarees and headed back to Indore.

While I narrate this experience to you today, I am reminded of my conversations with the skilled workers . They get paid peanuts for doing such a skilled job and some of them have been doing for almost 35 years. Yet they mentioned that they were content and counted their blessings to be living next to Narmada. That leaves me with the thought that “  True contentment is not having everything, but in being satisfied with everything you have .”  Time for yet another day of travel and fun.